After a failed relationship, it is common to get into a negative headspace.
You question all the things about your relationship to try to figure out what went wrong and why.
In fact, you even question yourself, wondering if you did everything you could to make the relationship successful.
The truth is, not all relationships are meant to work out in the long-term.
Sometimes, they are meant as tools to help us grow and become a better person.
But as we all know, the sooner you can get away from negative thinking and start thinking positive after a break up, the better off you will be.
In this post are the tips and tricks I’ve used after many of my failed relationships to help me get back to a positive mindset after a break up.
If you are willing to put these tips into practice, you can move on and become a better person in the long run.
How to Survive After a Break Up: 12 Proven Tricks
#1. Rediscover Your Gratitude
When you are going through a break up, you may be like I’ve been now and then and not even want to get out of bed in the morning.
To get past this, I suggest rediscovering your gratitude.
To set the done for each day, I always wake up and try to think of 10 things to be grateful for before my feet ever hit the floor.
This works because it puts you in a positive frame of mind right from the start.
And being in a positive mindset makes it easier to deal with the negative thoughts that will creep in.
If you get into the habit of doing this, your break up will start to seem less and less important in the big scheme of things.
#2. Give Yourself a Makeover
In some cases, you might be coming off a situation where you may have been criticized for something about yourself.
But even if you weren’t criticized, self care and improving yourself is an excellent way to deal with your break up.
Some things to try include:
- A new hairstyle
- Shopping for new clothes
- Joining a gym to lose a few pounds
- Finding a new hobby
- Reconnecting with old friends
- Making new friends
While you can choose any on this list, I encourage you to exercise.
Studies show it has a profound effect on your mental health when it comes to starting over after a failed relationship.
And this doesn’t even take into account the health benefits you will experience as well.
#3. Find Some New Songs
In any relationship I’ve ever been in, one of the most common components has been having at least one special song that defined the relationship.
From the song that was playing the first time you met to the special song you danced to while spending a cozy evening at home, there is no doubt those songs will always have a special place in your heart.
Nevertheless, once the break up is done, it’s time to scrap your current play list and start finding some new music to help define this new era in your life.
In my experiences, I’ve always found that finding new songs that emphasize strength, invincibility, and power always get me motivated to face the day.
#4. Develop a New Routine
If you and your ex had a certain routine you followed, such as getting coffee at a certain shop, try developing a new routine for yourself.
While it’s fine to continue visiting your favorite coffee shop if you so choose, there are other things you can do, such as:
- Taking a different route to work
- Joining a book club
- Shopping at a new grocery store
By making these simple changes, you’ll be meeting new people, exploring new places, and having new opportunities in front of you each day.
#5. Turn to Your Support Network
Whether you are a man or woman, turning to your support network after a break up can be a game-changer in the days and weeks ahead.
Whether it is your group of best girlfriends or the guys you grew up with or work with, being able to talk about things with your BFF’s can help you overcome any doubts you have about yourself and move forward.
By getting together with your friends at your favorite restaurant, club, or at a concert or ballgame, you’ll start turning the corner very quickly on the past and look forward to the future.
#6. Practice Mindfulness Each Day
One of the biggest challenges after a break up is that your mind keeps replaying old conversations and wondering what you could have done differently.
I’ve been there, and I know how exhausting it can be.
One thing that helped me was spending just 10 minutes each day practicing mindfulness meditation.
Instead of trying to stop your thoughts, mindfulness teaches you to notice them without getting pulled into them.
Over time, you’ll spend less time reliving the past and more time enjoying the present.
If you’re new to meditation, apps like Headspace make it easy to get started with short guided sessions designed to reduce stress and improve your mood.
Even a few minutes each day can help quiet your mind and make it easier to think positively again.
#7. Stop Checking Their Social Media
One of the fastest ways to stay stuck after a break up is constantly checking your ex’s social media accounts.
Every photo, status update, or new friend can reopen emotional wounds and make it harder to move on.
If you truly want to heal, consider muting, unfollowing, or temporarily blocking their accounts.
It isn’t about being immature.
It’s about giving yourself the space you need to recover.
Out of sight often leads to out of mind.
#8. Focus on Small Daily Wins
After a break up, life can feel overwhelming.
Instead of trying to fix everything at once, focus on accomplishing one or two small goals every day.
This could be:
- Going for a 20-minute walk
- Cleaning one room
- Reading a chapter of a book
- Cooking a healthy meal
- Crossing something off your to-do list
Small victories build momentum.
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Before long, you’ll notice you’re thinking less about the relationship and more about the life you’re creating.
#9. Write Down What You Learned
Every relationship teaches us something, even the ones that end badly.
Rather than only thinking about what you lost, spend some time writing down what the relationship taught you.
Ask yourself questions like:
- What qualities do I want in my next partner?
- What red flags did I ignore?
- What did I do well?
- What could I improve?
Changing the breakup from a failure into a learning experience makes it much easier to move forward with confidence instead of regret.
#10. Spend More Time Outside
Whenever I’ve gone through difficult periods in life, I’ve noticed I feel better simply by getting outside.
Take a walk in a local park, go hiking, ride your bike, or just sit somewhere peaceful for a while.
Fresh air, sunshine, and physical movement can all help improve your mood and give your mind a much-needed break from overthinking.
Sometimes a change of scenery is exactly what you need.
#11. Try Something You’ve Always Wanted to Do
Relationships often involve compromise, which sometimes means putting your own interests on hold.
Now is the perfect opportunity to try something you’ve always wanted to do.
Maybe it’s:
- Learning guitar
- Taking a cooking class
- Traveling somewhere new
- Starting a side business
- Learning a new language
Not only will you keep your mind occupied, but you’ll also build confidence by proving to yourself that life can still be exciting.
#12. Be Patient With Yourself
Perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned is that healing isn’t linear.
Some days you’ll feel like you’ve completely moved on.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, you’ll hear a song or visit a place that brings all those emotions rushing back.
That’s completely normal.
Instead of getting frustrated with yourself, recognize that healing takes time.
Every day you continue choosing yourself over your past relationship is another step toward becoming happier and stronger than before.
Why Do We Feel Sad After a Break Up?
When I have experienced going through a break up, the one thing I have noticed most of all is feeling as though I am having to watch my hopes and dreams get shattered before my very eyes.
Whether I initiated the break up or was on the receiving end of the news, it was very depressing to think about having to start over again in the seemingly eternal quest to find everlasting love.
As humans, we may think sometimes that we don’t need others.
However, we are in fact very social animals, and are at our best when we surround ourselves with the presence of others.
By being involved in a relationship, we find ourselves with another person with whom we can share our innermost thoughts and feelings, giving us a greater sense of security.
Thus, after a breakup, I have often noticed I view the renewed search for love as a long journey that will likely be filled with numerous twists and turns along the way.
However, in my quest to move forward, I try to incorporate many ways in which to think positive after a break up.
Once you realize this, it is very likely you will yet again find your potential soulmate, it becomes easier to start letting the sadness fade with each passing day.
Why is it Important to Move On After Breaking Up?
If I have learned anything over the years each time I have experienced a break up, it is that you should not sit around and dwell on the past for very long.
To the contrary, I think it is important to move on after breaking up as fast as possible.
If you don’t, you’ll wake up one day and discover you have thrown yourself a pity party for the ages, and are wallowing in a level of self-pity that gets deeper by the day.
From a psychological standpoint, moving on from a break up as soon as possible will help you maintain your self-esteem.
If you are like me, rejection is one thing you can definitely do without.
By getting rejected, especially from a person whom you thought may be with you forever, it becomes very easy to start nitpicking your personality to death.
Whether you think you were not funny enough, smart enough, caring enough, or even attractive enough, you must be careful to not get too down on yourself.
If you do, you are just making it that much harder to move on to your next relationship.
While it is of course fine to think about what led to the break up, I suggest you not overdo it, since it’s very likely that with a little searching, you’ll find someone who loves you just the way you are.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Long Does It Take to Feel Better After a Breakup?
There is no set timeline for getting over a breakup.
Some people start feeling better after a few weeks, while others may need several months or longer, especially if the relationship lasted for years.
The important thing is to allow yourself time to heal rather than trying to rush the process.
By focusing on healthy habits, spending time with supportive friends and family, and gradually creating a new routine, you’ll likely find that each week gets a little easier than the last.
Is It Normal to Miss Your Ex?
Yes, it is completely normal to miss your ex, even if you know the relationship wasn’t right for you.
Missing someone doesn’t necessarily mean you should get back together.
Often, you’re missing the comfort, familiarity, and routine that came with the relationship rather than the relationship itself.
Give yourself permission to feel those emotions without letting them convince you that ending the relationship was a mistake.
Should I Stay Friends With My Ex?
It depends on the situation, but giving yourself some space first is usually the healthiest choice.
Staying in constant contact immediately after a breakup can make it much harder to move on because it keeps old emotions fresh.
Once you’ve both had time to heal and you’ve genuinely accepted that the relationship is over, a friendship may be possible.
However, if staying friends prevents you from moving forward or causes ongoing emotional pain, it’s perfectly okay to create permanent distance.
Why Do I Keep Thinking About My Ex?
After a breakup, your brain is adjusting to a major change in your daily life.
If your ex was someone you talked to every day or spent a lot of time with, it’s natural for your mind to keep returning to those memories.
This usually becomes less frequent as you build new routines, make new memories, and focus on your own personal growth.
Instead of trying to force those thoughts away, acknowledge them and then redirect your attention toward something positive or productive.
When Should I Start Dating Again?
There isn’t a perfect amount of time to wait before dating again.
Rather than focusing on the calendar, pay attention to how you feel.
If you’re looking for someone simply to distract you from your breakup or make your ex jealous, you probably need more time.
However, if you’ve accepted the end of your previous relationship, feel emotionally stable, and are genuinely excited about meeting someone new, you’re likely ready to start dating again.
Taking time to heal first often leads to healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the future.
Final Thoughts
While you may feel as if your world is turned upside down, choosing to think positive after a break up will make getting over it much easier.
Once you choose to move forward with your life, it’s likely you’ll once again find love when you least expect it, making it that much sweeter.
Jon Dulin is the passionate leader of Unfinished Success, a personal development website that inspires people to take control of their own lives and reach their full potential. His commitment to helping others achieve greatness shines through in everything he does. He’s an unstoppable force with lots of wisdom, creativity, and enthusiasm – all focused on helping others build a better future. Jon enjoys writing articles about productivity, goal setting, self-development, and mindset. He also uses quotes and affirmations to help motivate and inspire himself. You can learn more about him on his About page.